26 Mar When we don’t make a decision, that becomes the decision

It can be painfully difficult to discover what we should be doing with our lives. That one thing that connects to our passion and soul. The driving force that can bring a lot of meaning to being on the planet.

Many of us will search for that magical answer in different ways. We take online courses, read a ton of blogs, join communities, take classes, and talk to friends. But many others are not taking action. They can either feel stuck without an idea of their passions or purpose, or on the flip side, have many interests, and they are not sure which direction to go. These are legitimate places to be at, and you’re not alone.

In fact, I’ve lived that second scenario. I’m passionate about many things and I was unsure of how to move forward too. However, I didn’t discover and understand my purpose and passions (how they work together) overnight, and they didn’t magically appear over time.

You’re feeling unsure of what to do, of the choices you can try, of making a mistake. You hesitate to make a decision on your future. And now, you’ve just made a very big decision without even realizing it. Making no decision is your decision.

Fear is convincing us to make the wrong decision

We’ve put so much importance of finding our purpose and following a dream in the West. I’m a believer in the power of doing both. But at what cost?

I think purpose and dreams boil down to living a life of meaning. That’s the end result we’re really looking to achieve. The purpose and dream is the how we’ll get there.

The world (and the internet) is full of #followyourdreams, #dowhatyoulove, #findyourpurpose, and many more related messages and advice – all great messages when shared with smart context. But there’s a dark side to this borage of information. It’s mostly focused on the how, not the result – the most important part, we’re told there is only one how, and it’s a very constant reminder that we must do this to find real happiness.

Just look at Instagram. The average person is reminded to live their best life 😉, and they’re now feeling pressured to find the right answers, right now. That pressure stops us in our tracks.

They’re desperately looking for the one passion, and their big purpose. Otherwise, they’ll continue with a life full of no meaning. None of that is true. We can be passionate about many things. We can have multiple dreams. And our purpose typical evolves over time.

Fear of making the wrong decision, stops us from making a decision to move forward. When we don’t pursue something, we deprive ourselves from discovery and experiences, the very things that allow us to learn and try things on, getting to the right fit.

Time slips by, and we’ve still not made a decision. Maybe we’ve distracted ourselves with other interests. We’re procrastinating. We’re letting fear, make a decision to not do anything.

But there’s a better way, even when we’re stuck.

Practical ideas to move past confusion and hesitation

Let’s tackle two scenarios:

• Feeling Lost: You don’t know what you’re passionate about, nor what fulfills you
• Multiple Passions: You love a few different things (passions) and you care deeply about multiple causes

FEELING LOST

Start exploring. Nothing is off limits here. Your goal is to expose yourself to new and different experiences, activities, and people. You need to try things on. Try adding monthly goals to keep you accountable – like do 3 new things each month. Some people try a year of saying yes to everything. This forces them to do things they may of not considered previously.

As you have these new experiences, they may not be a perfect fit. BUT, you’ll find even more opportunities appear within them. Keep going.

Keep a journal of your experiences. Keep track of what you’re experiencing. Make two columns in a journal or notepad: what I love about this experience, and what I didn’t like about it. Capture the key points of everything new you’ve done and add it to one of the columns.

Each month, review your entries. Are there common themes? Maybe you love helping people when they need it the most. Or, you love the feeling you get when you’re cooking new recipes and sharing the results with friends. And maybe you discover you don’t have patience for hectic environments (you need the opposite). Keep track of these themes and find ways to explore them deeper to see why they matter to you.

When we don't pursue something, we deprive ourselves from discovery and experiences, the very things that allow us to learn and try things on...

 

As these themes start to gel, you’ll need to find a way to incorporate them as parts of your life. Is the next step to make this part of your career? A hobby? Whichever way, find ways to translate them into everyday life.

This may not be as simple as it sounds. A lot of people cannot see how to put it all together if it’s not as simple as a new job. You’ll need to research. Ask people about their careers, find communities with similar interests or themes, etc. When in doubt, get help. A mentor, career/business coach, and friends can help you see things you may not be able to see yourself. Remember, you do not need to do this alone.

MULTIPLE PASSIONS

Choose an initial focus. Yes, I’m telling you to chose. This is not the final decision. The point is to get you moving forward. You’ll never get anywhere if you play the what if game, and you’ll never know what you really love until you actually experience it.

Get into one of your passions and really explore it. How does it feel as you’re learning and applying it? Are you realizing it’s different than you thought? Not feeling it? That’s okay. You can change your mind. Yes, you can.

Working within reality

If one of your passions includes a 4 year commitment with a huge expense, I suggest you try the shorter commitment and less expense passions first. Because getting out of a long commitment is more difficult to do.

Also, finances and responsibilities are a reality for everyone.  These can often dictate what we can do. I’m not advising to ignore those. Be smart about them. But don’t let it be an excuse to stop you from aiming for the things that bring you meaning. It may take longer. But small steps are better than none.

Combine and Create. People that have multiple passions, that NEED to follow them, may be best suited to find a way to combine them. Sometimes that’s an easy mix. Fro example, a chef that also wants to help people in need, may manage a restaurant and also prep meals for a local shelter.

Some passions do not translate as easily. This is when a job may not exist to meet this passion combination. You may need to find a way to combine them and create your own path forward. It’s absolutely possible. But this will take research, business planning, dreaming, and more.

The point here; if you feel extremely passionate about a couple things and NEED to do them, do the work to figure out how they can coexist. And get help.

Bottom line

Don’t stay stuck. That’s the last thing you want to do.

Explore. Try it on. Investigate. Experience matters more than what you think you know. You’ll be surprised by what you find out as you’re in the middle of it all. And you may even find a you’re creating a life full of meaning along the way.